Drug Test, Drug (Drug Test Kit)

Tips for Parents:

Advise on Drug and Alcohol Prevention in the Home

Be Prepared

Among the most common drug-related questions asked of parents is “Did you ever use drugs?” Unless the answer is “no,” it’s difficult to know what to say because nearly all parents who used drugs don’t want their children to do the same thing. Is this hypocritical?

No. We all want the best for our children. Today we have more information and we understand the hazards of drug use better than we did when we were their age and thought we were invincible. To guide our children’s decisions about drugs, we can now draw on credible real-life examples of friends who had trouble as a result of their drug use: the neighbor who caused a fatal car crash while high; the family member who got addicted; the teen who used marijuana for years, lost interest in school, and never really learned how to deal with adult life and its stresses.

Some parents who used drugs in the past choose to lie about it, but they risk losing their credibility if their children discover the truth. Many experts recommend that when a child asks this question, the response should be honest.

This doesn’t mean that parents need to recount every moment of their experiences. As in conversations about sex, some details should remain private, and you should avoid providing more information than is actually sought by your child. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand exactly why and what a child is asking before answering questions about your past drug use, and limit your response to that information.

This discussion provides a good opportunity for parents to speak frankly about what attracted them to drugs, why drugs are dangerous, what they know now that they didn’t know then, and why they want their children to avoid making the same mistake. There’s no perfect way to get this message across, only approaches that seem more fitting than others.

Be prepared to answer if your child asks, "Did you ever use drugs?"

Here are some possible responses to your child's questions:

"I took drugs because some of my friends used them, and I thought I needed to in order to fit in. In those days, people didn't know as much as they do now about all the bad things that can happen when you smoke marijuana or do other drugs. If I'd known then what I know now, I never would have tried them, and I'll do everything I can to keep you away from drugs."
"Everyone makes mistakes, and when I used drugs, I made a big one. I'm telling you about this, even though it's embarrassing, because I love you, and I want to save you from making the same stupid decision that I made when I was your age. You can learn from my mistakes without repeating them."
"I did drugs because I was bored and wanted to take some risks, but I soon found that I couldn't control the risks — they were controlling me. There are much better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs."
"At your age, between homework, friends, sports, and other interests, there are a lot of fun things going on. If you get into taking drugs, you're pretty much giving up those other things, because you may stop being able to concentrate, control your moods or keep to a schedule. You'll miss out on all these great experiences, and you'll never get those times back."
"You don't know how your body will react to drugs. Some people can get addicted really quickly or can get really sick or even die using a drug for the first time."
"I started drinking/doing drugs when I was young, and I've been battling them ever since. They made me miss a big part of growing up, and every day I have to stay positive so they don't make me miss more — my job, my relationships, and my time with you. I love you too much to watch you fight a similar battle."

Source: The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign's Behavior Change Expert Panel.

Be Firm

Parents should state clearly to their pre-teens and teens that they would be very disappointed if they started using marijuana. Parents may also want to explain that marijuana use interferes with young people’s concentration, memory, and motor skills, and that it interferes with motivation, leads to poorer school performance, and can cause users to disappoint the people most important to them. All of this can be communicated in a loving way: “I love you and I want the best for you, so I hope you won’t try marijuana.”

Some parents who saw marijuana being widely used in their youth still wonder, “Is marijuana really so bad for my child?” The answer is an emphatic “yes!” Not convinced? Need more reasons? Read these:

Marijuana is illegal.
Marijuana now exists in forms that are stronger — with higher levels of THC, the psychoactive ingredient — than in the 1960s.
Studies show that someone who smokes five joints a week may be taking in as many cancer-causing chemicals as someone who smokes a full pack of cigarettes every day.
Hanging around users of marijuana often means being exposed not only to other illegal drugs, but also to a lifestyle that can include trouble in school, engaging in sexual activity while young, unintended pregnancy, difficulties with the law, and other problems.
Marijuana use can slow down reaction time and distort perceptions. This can interfere with athletic performance, decrease a sense of danger, and increase risk of injury.
Regular marijuana users can lose the ability to concentrate that is needed to master important academic skills, and they can experience short-term memory loss. Habitual marijuana users tend to do worse in school and are more likely to drop out altogether.
Teens who rely on marijuana as a chemical crutch and refuse to face the challenges of growing up never learn the emotional, psychological, and social lessons of adolescence.
The research is not complete on the effects of marijuana on the developing brain and body.

Make Clear Rules

Discuss the consequences of breaking the rules. When it comes to drugs and alcohol, what will the punishment be and how will it be carried out?

Research shows that young people are less likely to use tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs if their parents set clear rules about not doing so. If parents have not previously established rules around more basic activities of daily living, however, they will have little chance of getting their children to obey a rule about not using marijuana, tobacco, or other drugs.

Here are some rulemaking tips:

Set clear rules — and discuss in advance the consequences of breaking them. Don’t make empty threats or let the rule-breaker off the hook. Don’t impose harsh or unexpected new punishments.
The rules must be consistently enforced; every time a child breaks the rules the parent should enforce a “punishment.”
“Punishments” should involve mild, not severe, negative consequences. Overly severe punishments serve to undermine the quality of the parent-child relationship.
Set a curfew. And enforce it strictly. Be prepared to negotiate for special occasions.
Have kids check in at regular times when they’re away from home or school. Give them a phone card, change or even a pager with clear rules for using it. (“When I beep you, I expect a call back within 15 minutes.”)
Call parents whose home is to be used for a party. On party night, don’t be afraid to stop in to say hello (and make sure that adult supervision is in place).
Make it easy to leave a party where drugs are being used. Discuss in advance how to signal you or another designated adult who will come to pick your child up the moment he or she feels uncomfortable. Later, be prepared to talk about what happened.
Listen to your instincts. Don’t be afraid to intervene if your gut reaction tells you that something is wrong.

Make Your Position Clear

Make your position clear when it comes to dangerous substances like alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Don’t assume that your children know where you stand.

They want you to talk to them about drugs. State your position clearly; if you’re ambiguous, children may be tempted to become involved with tobacco products, alcohol or other drugs.

Tell your children that you forbid them to use alcohol, tobacco, and drugs because you love them. (Don’t be afraid to pull out all the emotional stops. You can say, “If you took drugs it would break my heart.”) Make it clear that this rule holds true even at other people’s houses.

Will your child listen? Most likely. According to research, when a child decides whether or not to use alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs, a crucial consideration is “What will my parents think?”

Praise Positive Behavior

What encourages a kid more than his or her parents’ approval? The right word at the right time can strengthen the bond that helps keep your child away from drugs. Emphasize the things your kid does right and restrain the urge to be critical.

Try to:

Reward good behavior consistently and immediately. Expressions of love, appreciation and thanks go a long way. Even kids who think themselves too old for hugs will appreciate a pat on the back or a special treat.
Accentuate the positive. Emphasize the things your kid does right. Rein in the urge to be critical. Affection and respect — making your child feel good about himself — will reinforce good (and change bad) behavior far more successfully than embarrassment or uneasiness.

Learn to Listen

Just talking to your child is only half the job. You can keep the lines of communication open by knowing how to listen and when to talk.

Your child will tell you about the sights and sounds that influence him or her every day — they are the experts about fashion, music, TV, and movies that people their age follow.

Ask your child what music groups are popular and what their songs are about, what his friends like to do after school, what’s cool and what’s not and why. Encourage your child with phrases such as “That’s interesting” or “I didn’t know that,” and by asking follow-up questions.

Try these tips:

Encourage your children to feel comfortable telling you about problems they may be having and asking you for help.
You might try rephrasing a child’s comments to indicate that you have understood or give nonverbal support and encouragement by nodding and smiling.
Use a caring tone of voice to answer a child and use encouraging phrases to express interest and to keep the conversation going.

Talk With Your Kids

Steering the subject to drugs and why they’re harmful

In conversations with your child, steer the subject to drugs and why they’re harmful.

If you can ingrain this information in your children well before they are faced with making difficult choices, experts say they’ll be more likely to avoid rather than use. In fact, teenagers who say they’ve learned a lot about the risks of drugs from their parents are much less likely to try marijuana than those who say they’ve learned nothing from them.

You don’t need to fear that by introducing the topic of drugs, you’re “putting ideas” into your children’s heads, any more than talking about traffic safety might make them want to jump in front of a car. You’re letting them know about potential dangers in their environment so that when they’re confronted with them, they’ll know what to do.

Children in late elementary school need to be warned specifically about not using inhalants. There are a number of common household substances that some young people of this age will try inhaling. Parents must be encouraged to warn their children that even one instance of inhaling can lead to severe brain damage or even death.

Parents should also use some of their good conversation time with children and adolescents to make it clear that they don’t want them to use marijuana. Parents should state clearly to their pre-teens and teens that they would be very disappointed if they started using marijuana. Parents may also want to explain that marijuana use interferes with young people’s concentration, memory, and motor skills, and that it interferes with motivation, leads to poorer school performance, and can cause users to disappoint the people most important to them. All of this can be communicated in a loving way: “I love you and I want the best for you, so I hope you won’t try marijuana.”

Introducing the topic of drugs

If you hear something you don’t like (perhaps a friend smokes marijuana or your child confesses to trying beer at a party), it is important not to react in any way that cuts off further discussion. If he seems defensive or assures you that he doesn’t know anyone who uses drugs, ask him why he thinks people use them.

Discuss whether the risks are worth what people may get out of using them and whether he thinks it would be worth it to take the risks. Even without addiction, experimentation is too great a gamble. One bad experience, such as being high and misjudging how long it takes to cross a busy street, can change — or end — a life forever. If something interrupts your conversation, pick it up the next chance you get.

Help With Peer Pressure

No matter where children grow up or who their friends are, nearly all of them are confronted at some time or another by friends with bad ideas — ways of testing limits, getting in trouble, and doing things they’ll regret later. It’s not so hard saying, “No thanks, I have to go now” to a stranger. But it’s a lot tougher when a child’s friend — especially one whose approval means a lot to him or her — tries to get them to do something they know is wrong.

Even “good kids” occasionally pester their friends into skipping a class or lying about why they were out together so late. But if friends or acquaintances entice your children to try tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, the consequences can be more serious. The best way to prepare children to succeed in these encounters is to “role play” — practice similar scenarios in advance. With the right words at the tip of their tongue, children can assert their independence while making it clear that they’re rejecting their friends’ choices and not the friends themselves.

Here are some role-playing ideas:

Here is a potential role-playing scenario for you to try with your daughter (You can turn the scenario around for your boys, or come up with other scenarios that fit the same pattern — anything to get your children to practice their own resistance skills):

Take the role of a boy she likes and try to persuade her to share a six-pack of beer with you. What can she say? "You’re such a jerk!" is alienating. "I don’t know..." leaves the door open and sounds like she could be coaxed. The middle ground, in which she’s firm but friendly, works best. Help her rehearse key phrases that give reasons for why she simply won’t have a beer:

"My parents would kill me if they found out, and they always find out!"
"No, I’m not into that stuff."
"I tried it once, and I hate the taste."
"My parents trust me to not drink, and I don’t want to break that trust."

Or she could state the consequences of drinking:

"I tried it once and ended up vomiting on everything!"
"Drinking would make me feel out of control, and I hate that."

She’ll need to be prepared for protests. She can meet them with the "broken record" technique, in which she repeats her reason for not drinking over and over until attempts at persuading her cease. Or she can make it clear that the discussion about beer is over by changing the subject: "Did you watch the basketball game last night?" or "Hey, do you know if that concert’s sold out?" If all else fails, she should leave the scene, saying, "I’ve got to go."

Open an Ongoing Conversation

Although virtually all parents in America (98 percent) say they’ve talked with their children about drugs, only 27 percent of teens — roughly one in four — say they’re learning a lot at home about the risks of drugs, according to a new national study by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America (PDFA).

“There aren’t enough hours in the day.” Sometimes it’s frustrating how few chances there are to have conversations about drugs with our children. In our busy culture, with families juggling the multiple demands of work, school, after-school activities, and religious and social commitments, it can be a challenge for parents and children to be in the same place at the same time.

Yet the better you communicate, the more at ease your child will feel about discussing drugs and other sensitive issues with you.

Here are some tips:

Be absolutely clear with your kids that you don’t want them using drugs. Ever. Anywhere. Don’t leave room for interpretation. And talk often about the dangers and results of drug and alcohol abuse. Once or twice a year won’t do it.
Be a better listener. Ask questions - and encourage them. Paraphrase what your child says to you. Ask for their input about family decisions. Showing your willingness to listen will make your child feel more comfortable about opening up to you.
Give honest answers. Don’t make up what you don’t know; offer to find out. If asked whether you’ve ever taken drugs, let them know what’s important: that you don’t want them using drugs.
Use TV reports, anti-drug commercials, or school discussions about drugs to help you introduce the subject in a natural, unforced way.
Don’t react in a way that will cut off further discussion. If your child makes statements that challenge or shock you, turn them into a calm discussion of why your child thinks people use drugs, or whether the effect is worth the risk.
Role play with your child and practice ways to refuse drugs in different situations. Acknowledge how tough these moments can be.

Be a Good Role Model

Be a role model — the person you want your kid to be. What stronger anti-drug message is there?

Keep these tips in mind:

Be a living, day-to-day example of your value system. Show the compassion, honesty, generosity and openness you want your child to have.
Know that there is no such thing as “do as I say, not as I do” when it comes to drugs. If you take drugs, you can’t expect your child to take your advice. Seek professional help if necessary.
Examine your own behavior. If you abuse drugs or alcohol, your kids are going to pick up on it. Or if you laugh at a drunk or stoned person in a movie, you may be sending the wrong message to your child. Be a role model — the person you want your kid to be. What stronger anti-drug message is there?

Be More Involved

Kids who are close to their parents are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. The more involved you are in your children’s lives, the more valued they’ll feel, and the more likely they’ll be to respond to you. Try to schedule regular get-togethers with your children.

Establish “together time.” Establish a regular weekly routine for doing something special with your child — even if it’s just going out for ice cream. Even a few minutes of conversation while you're cleaning up after dinner or right before bedtime can help the family catch up and establish the open communication that is essential to raising drug-free children.
Have family meetings. Held regularly at a mutually agreed upon time, family meetings provide a forum for discussing triumphs, grievances, projects, questions about discipline, and any topic of concern to a family member. Ground rules help. Everyone gets a chance to talk; one person talks at a time without interruption; everyone listens, and only positive, constructive feedback is allowed. To get resistant children to join in, combine the get-together with incentives such as post-meeting pizza or assign them important roles such as recording secretary or rule enforcer.
Don’t be afraid to ask where your kids are going, who they’ll be with and what they’ll be doing. Get to know your kid’s friends — and their parents — so you’re familiar with their activities.
Try to be there after school. The “danger zone” for drug use is between 3 and 6 PM; arrange flex time at work if you can. If your child will be with friends, make sure there’s adult supervision — not just an older sibling.
Eat meals together as often as you can. Meals are a great opportunity to talk about the day’s events, to unwind, reinforce and bond. Studies show that kids whose families eat together at least 5 times a week are less likely to be involved with drugs or alcohol.

Truth

The most effective deterrent to drug use isn't the police, or prisons, or politicians - it's you. Kids who learn about the risks of drug use from their parents are 36% less likely to smoke marijuana than kids who learn nothing from them. If you talk to your kids about the dangers of drug use, they are also 50% less likely to use inhalants, 56% less likely to use LSD - just because you took the time to talk to them. Research has also shown that kids want to hear what their parents have to say - in fact 74% of fourth graders wish their parents would talk to them about drugs.

Love

The best way you can help your kids avoid destructive behavior is to spend time with them, talking to them about their friends, school activities, and asking them what they think. Research shows that knowing your kids, who they hang out with - and their parents - dramatically reduces the likelihood that they will get into trouble with tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. Go out for a pizza. Go skating or biking. Go to a movie. Listen to music together. most importantly, tell your kids you love them.

Honesty

Your kid asks you the question you've feared - did you ever do drugs? You want to be honest because you love and respect them, but, unless the answer is an unqualified "no," it's a difficult question. Regardless of your own history with drugs, it's your responsibility to set limits for your child and to tell them, "In this family drug use is not acceptable." What's important is that you listen to your children and what they're asking - even if it's upsetting - try to avoid an argument. If you have done drugs in the past, you can tell the truth to your child without appearing to be a hypocrite because, at one time in their lives, everyone has done something they wish they hadn't. Remember - the issue isn't your past; it's your children's future. The key is to look at this as an opportunity - your kids have come to you to discuss something that's troubling them. Listen to what they are saying. What's important is to state firmly that you don't want them to do anytthing that's bad for them - especially smoking, drinking and drugs.

Communication

No loving relationship can exist without communication. Kids believe they have valuable things to say and, when a parent listens genuinely, it helps self-esteem and confidence. The most important thing to remember when it comes to talking about difficult subjects like drinking and drugs is that it's not a five-minute "talk" - It's about building an ongoing dialogue. As your kids grow up, they will need more and more information, so start early and build on the conversation as your kid matures.

Source: The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign's Behavior Change Expert Panel. Please visit www.theAntiDrug.com for more information.

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